… she's not coming down 'til it all makes sense again…


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fisher price

yesterday was for pecking about, cleaning here, organizing there, peck peck peck… and slowly… we get somewhere, right? Sometimes I feel like all I do is move my STUFF around… Stuff comes in, stuff goes out, stuff goes on shelf, stuff goes in basket, stuff gets carried upstairs, downstairs, stuff into pantry, stuff into refrigerator, stuff cleaned up off floor, stuff folded, stuff stepped on, stuff broken, stuff repaired, stuff cherished, stuff abandoned, stuff suffocating, stuff stacked neatly, stuff tumbling out in disarray, stuff littering coffee table, stuff to pour in your coffee, stuff metal stuff, plastic stuff, organic stuff, stinky stuff, eye-pleasing stuff, stuff stuck to your other stuff, stuff you’re sick of looking at, stuff you can’t get enough of, stuff that you once thought would bring you joy and change your life but just sorta didn’t do that just sorta melted into the vast pile of other unremarkable stuff, stuff bought by the dozen, stuff in plastic bubble casings impossible to open, stuff that delights, stuff that infuriates, stuff your grandma would not approve of, stuff you hide, stuff you flaunt, stuff you buy other stuff in which to store the original stuff, stuff that makes no sense to any one else outside of your epidermis, stuff you can’t live without, stuff you collect, stuff you didn’t ask for but can’t get rid of yet until you’ve kept it for the proper amount of time and when that time is up you will know it, stuff that is soft and brings you peace when you just touch it, stuff that gets burned, stuff that gets thrown out, stuff that gets eaten, stuff that gets recycled, stuff that gets repurposed, stuff that gets stored, stuff that gets donated, stuff that comes back, stuff you forgot about and then your mom shows up one day with boxes and boxes of stuff from your childhood and it’s so much stuff and you love it but do you need it-is it your childhood, this stuff- do you have to keep all the stuff from your childhood-will your childhood disappear if you get rid of the stuff- will you regret it-can you put that stuff in several boxes and let it go-can you- for this is what I’m actually writing about, I realize, in all of my cleaning and sorting as of late, I’ve come down to the pile of stuff my mom gave me recently, my old dolls and my fisher price toys…

She’s given me some of my other toys in years past, my fisher price castle, my airport… I kept them for a while when the kids were little, they played with them a tiny bit, but never like my brother and I had played with them… They had Polly Pockets and other toys… eventually I let my castle and my airport go, I think donated them. Do I miss them today? I have to ask myself because I’m the only one out here on the porch of an early morning… listening to the trees rustle… and the rain starts!! Oh! Magic! Already knew my old vinyl roof leaked a little bit, but now I know it leaks a LOTTA bit.. No, I don’t miss ’em.  I have the memories of the hours and hours and hours on that floor with my brother, constructing our own little towns and our big convoluted story lines… 

Mom gave me a big pile of my books too, sometime last year.. books from when I was a baby even… Little Golden Books…  lots of baby animals, Amos the duck, Sammy the seal… It was so great to see them again, and see the familiar pictures… I went through them all, enjoyed them again, and then sorted them out, kept a small pile, and donated the rest. Do I miss them? I have to ask myself, because Poppy’s the only one here, and she only speaks with her eyeballs..Not really even one tiny bit. I still have some of them, and I can still summon up my little army of baby animals any time I need to…

So the latest stuff, about 3 boxes of dolls and baby fisher price toys, my ticking musical clock and the little chattering wocka wocka wocka telephone pull toy with googly eyes and bell ringing dial thingie…  Mrs Beasley, which mom lovingly washed, dried, and ironed, scrubbed her little yellow feet… her voice box doesn’t work any more, her little plastic eyeglasses are missing… sigh… this is the stuff I keep…

but you know, George Carlin always said it best…

george carlin



And what about Naomi?

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