… she's not coming down 'til it all makes sense again…

Donut Lessons I have gathered along the way


Rogers Farm Auction with the Hubs, good times, took a load out of the garage, made a few bucks and created enough space for a tiny tiny most excellent home gym… at least enough space to do some burpees and planks, my fave!

We learned a few lessons yesterday at the farm auction…

Lesson 1) it’s colder than it looks. It was sunny and gorgeous and windy and chilly at the same time, all day back and forth. We were in short sleeves and shorts. I ended up giving Hubs my old raggedy emergency hoodie I keep in the car, it’s enormous on me, and looked ridiculous small on him…  Hubs is deceptively huge, I think… he’s sneaky about it… I wrapped up in the dog/baby blanket for a while, and then went back and got the larger itchy red picnic blanket. I had many many random comments on my various wrappings too, all over the action grounds, “Oh, I see you gave up your towel and got a bigger blanket..”  “You have a different outfit on every time I see you” … farm auction dudes are very attentive… I told Hubs if anything god forbid happens to him, I know where to go get the next one…

Lesson 2) Amish donuts are only fantastically orgasmically good for approximately 20 minutes. They’re as big as your head, okay, the nice Amish girls make them right in front of you, and glaze ’em with magical fairy sugar gravy, or sprankle ’em with cinnamon or roll ’em in a vat of coconut… the coconut makes them look like giant silly funky dorm-room pillows… They cheerfully charge you about 12cents for ’em,  and If you don’t eat them right away, they start some sort of mystical break-down and vanishing process.. Hubs and I split one as we walked, and it was like I said, ORGASMIC. (please press that link, it’s worth it..)

But we also took one home in a paper bag for The Boy.. A couple hours later, his massive donut was unrecognizable.. It had caved in and shrank and crumbled and deflated!! It was a shell of its former magnificent self! I think they self-destruct in order to protect the recipe, is what I think, but you know, I’m a big conspiracy theorist… But here is the true test, The Boy, most impressive sugar-fiend in the universe, only ate half of it!! He never only eats half! I’ve seen him eat a whole Oram’s Cinnamon Roll at one sitting, and not throw up!! Here’s an actual Oram’s, photo borrowed from their website:

oram's donut

Incidentally, fun fact about Oram’s: they travel much better than the Amish donuts, you can actually eat them hours later and they’re still pretty darn hot diggity. Here’s another fun fact, the first time someone gave me an Oram’s, this was about 2 yrs ago, a client brought me one, I didn’t know what it was, and didn’t open the bag until I was in my car on my way home from work, and I thought, oh, nice, a lovely cinnamon roll, I’ll just pull a little piece off and try it out… In the 17 minutes it took me to drive home, do you know I ate that whole thing, just one big ridiculous mindless FRENZY of sugar, it’s all a blurrrrr now… By the time I pulled in my driveway I was literally nauseous, dangerously nauseous, wreck-the-car nauseous from the sugar spike. That was a little Bonus Lesson for me, and Oram’s Lesson Number 1) Don’t open the bag in the car, but savor the Colossal Thing over several sittings and a couple good strong black coffees…

It reminded me of the time I was coming out of Giant Igglz with a jelly donut and must’ve been a look of desperation in my eyes, because I got into my vehicle and started shoveling the donut into my face, red/purple jelly squirting out onto the steering wheel, inhaling and coughing and gagging over the powdered sugar coating… and a little old lady, she walks up to my car window and says, I’ll never forget her words and this is my Bonus Donut Lesson Number 2)  she leans in and says “Ohhhh, honey..” (there was a tinge of tragedy, pity, and regret in the way she said HONey…)  “Ohhhhh honey…now you take that donut home and you sit at table and you enjoy it with a cup of coffee!” And she’s right, and I almost always think of her when I’m having about to do something stupid with a donut or cake… and fairly often I’m able to get a plate and a coffee and sit at table and enjoy it properly… Thank you, Parking Lot Donut Sage…


3 thoughts on “Donut Lessons I have gathered along the way

  1. That Amish donut must be like the New Orleans beignets….so good at the time but not so great a few minutes later!

  2. You may have been tagged as a part timer at the auction… the full timers know that although the sun is shining there will be variables to contend with that require the appropriate layers and that is why Carhartt makes all those lovely things that they make…. Of course you might just have looked cute or funny with your makeshift outerwear…. sounds like the donuts are worth avoiding since I rarely see a meal much less a planet sized donut lol

  3. Yeah, yeah, we’ve got Amish donuts all over the place. I’m so glad you are writing! Write more! Write a million more! Ok? Good.

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