… she's not coming down 'til it all makes sense again…

tossed about in a sea of tiny horses


That was me and Cassie the other day, tossed about in a sea of tiny horses… it’s surreal, on retrospect… Did that really happen? Did we really see and touch and feel all that? All the little necks to scratch, and noses to nuzzle and furry little legs to run your hands down… All the curious curious little horsie noses, sniffing and snuggling up, looking for grains and treats and petting… 

There were 60-some-odd horses there, 43 of them were for sale, of which 17 were pregnant mares (two-fers!), 15 were brand new 2014 foals, there were a couple grown geldings, and a few older mares…  The lady, I’ll call her Elaine, for that is her name, is recently divorced, and needs to downsize her work load. Her daughter is a veterinarian with a practice right up the road, and she’s also transferring ownership of the minis to her daughter, they’re in the process right now… So that’s why so many for sale..

I google-mapped it before we went, and was able to peer down on the acres and acres of pasture, she had about 5 different pastures, all dotted with tiny horses…google maps is amazing.. My husband pulled out the horse trailer before I left, and found that it had a flat tire… which required a trip to the hardware store because OF COURSE the “Tire Guy”, (he used to work in a tire shop and so, knows his tires, and should have about 5.3 MILLION thingie-doodles that you hook the air compressor up to the tire to pump them up…) but of course he couldnt’ find a single thingie-doodle,  I had to leave right away, couldn’t take the trailer that day, which was probably for the best, because I could’ve fit about 4 baby horses in there…

So we set out on a fact-finding mission.. Elaine was so very nice, she gave us almost 3 hours of her time, just walking and talking little horses… It was all so confusing, she had about 18 pages of computer print-outs, each horse has a big flowery froo-froo name for registration with the AMHA and AMHR, and I know the registries and the lineages and the long flowery names are really important to a good breeder, as some of the horses were priced in the thousands and tens of thousands even! She showed me a filly she said was priced at $15,000, which to my eye, it looked just as good as another right next to it for $500… I really mean that. I looked and looked, but they were both beautiful and fine and nice conformation… I actually do know what to look for a little in that regard, fer instance, Juniper is wonky as hell as far as conformation, but she’s a beautiful little pet, so.. it just doesn’t matter,  I’m looking for basically another large “dog” to follow me around the yard, look cute, provide companionship for my other horse, let me bury my face in soft furry horsie smell, and produce tiny piles of black-gold for the garden. That’s all I want from a horse. 

So she had horses that were from the “Billy Idol” lineage, which cracked me up, especially when Cassie kept cross-referencing Billy Idol to Neil Diamond, whom I always cross-reference to Neil Sedaka, which… YUCK, no offence Neil Sedaka, but… okay, YUCK… offence… and occasionally Neil Simon, why so friggin’ many NEILS… but NEVER EVER Neil Young, I would never cross reference Neil Young with anyone.. 

We walked into one of the larger barns, and the horses came a runnin’… suddenly we were engulfed in tiny horses, just moving all around us, sniffing, jockeying for position… but all very silently, like deer, I don’t think I heard a single whinny the whole time we were there… no real snorting, nothing… they were like little deer with giant limpid eyes… so many furry little heads, some timid, some all up in yer grill.. I was amazed how gentle though, all that tromping around, so many hooves, so many legs, and still so gentle..  The nice lady scooped grain into feeders, pointed out horses and flipped through her pages and pages, trying to find prices… it was really confusing, she really needed a single page with just prices, especially with that many for sale at once, and the horses don’t help, they don’t exactly line up in order and stand there, they were everywhere, I couldn’t keep them straight in my head… I actually ended up with a HEAD ACHE, from trying to concentrate and decide, the pressure, the intensity of SO MUCH CUTE… and I never get headaches! She’s telling me their “pasture names” and their registry names and their lineage and their price and their age, and who begat who, and she’s got papers flying everywhere, and the horses keep moving, they would grab a little grain and move out…  I fell in love with Buttercup, of course, probably the largest horse there, a white fluffy whooly old gal, she was stuck to us like glue, nudging and nuzzling, such a sweet sweet horse, and you know they know how to work ya, how to find their way into your heart, humans are just as much suckers for attention as any other species… 

She showed us a couple geldings, 2 or 3 yrs old, a chestnut with a white blaze on his forelock, and a pinto, mostly white with chestnut…  I really liked the first one… he’s a possibility.

She showed me a few mares… one was just teeny tiny and round as a pool cue… just fat little things. All of them were round, I think they get a lot more grain than mine, Elaine and her daughter were just scooping out the grain by the bucketful… I never know what to feed mine, there’s so much conflicting info… some people don’t give their minis grain at all even, just hay! Who knows… I think Juniper gets enough, she’s somewhere in the mid range..

The couple stallions she had were sequestered in their own paddock, on accounta they have to be. She said if two of them get loose into the same pasture, they will fight to bloody or worse. They were gorgeous though, it was a sunny, windy day and the manes were just blowing, proud muscular little horses… When they look like that, like real miniatureized horses, it’s hard to keep your perspective to scale.. the landscape and trees rush up and back, re-sizing in your brain, and your forget what you’re looking at..

She took us for a ride up the rode a couple miles, where they keep the weanlings, at her daughter’s place. She said it’s easier and less stressful on both the mother and the foal if the babies are just moved out for a while, and they can’t see or smell or hear each other. So didn’t we walk into a barn full of BABY MINIATURE HORSES, took my breath away… and of course right at that moment the sun shone through the spaces in the barn boards in magic rays, you know, like the sun does, and of course the dust danced in the light, I’m not making this up, and as our eyes adjusted to the back-lighting, we came to see about 15 tiny heads, oh the quiet little heads, all turned to us at once, curious, 30 long-lashed little eyeballs, peering at us, moving toward us, so timid, so quiet, like tiny forest creatures…  It was almost in a a way, kinda creepy…eerie… You know what it looks like on video when they computer generate a big herd of deer and they all move together and blink together? It was like that.But also magical, mystical, not menacing like deer. Deer can be freaky. Well, bucks. Bucks can be freaky. Does and fawns not so much…  We walked into the stall and the tiny herd moved around us, not as close as the grown horses, but not afraid, just moving… a couple were more bold, and approached us and sniffled for treats, or pushed with already bossy little muzzles… 

So many colors, gorgeous little white legs, and the tiny baby horse faces, the round little cheeks, stars on forelocks, strips of white down muzzles, reds, bays, silvers, pintos, tiny baby coats… Elaine said some of them would change from black to white, as they grew!  Of course my eyes settled on one particular baby horse, (I had asked her to point out the colts in my price range, pet quality), and of course it was one of the tiniest horses amongst tiny horses… he’s brownish/gray colored, it sounds dull but it’s not..he was the only one that color, and no markings at all. But just the cutest roundest sweetest little face.. their faces are really distinctive, some look really long and lean and horse-like, and some are rounder and softer, and some have really wide bulgy foreheads and it always surprises me when a real horse-person says “This one has such a pretty head” because I think, YUCK… I guess the ones that look pony-like/baby-like appeal to me more… I just don’t have an eye for show horses…

She wrangled the tiny gray/brown colt into a halter, it was the first time for him, he jumped around a bit,but settled in pretty quick, so I held him by the lead and tried to touch his little tiny nose, he was so shy and tiny and scared, so we just stood still for a while. Now that I write this I realize that may be my horse… how can I not get a tiny baby… sigh… 

Did any of the horses walk right up and in a flash like lightning I instantly knew that this was my horse? Well, no. I know the lady wanted that to happen, or maybe that’s what’s supposed to happen, or maybe that’s what happens for most people? I have no idea. I had my heart a tiny bit hardened against impulse before I went, I was determined to come home and think about what I’d seen. Every time I left one horse and asked about another, Elaine would say in a mournful way, “Oh, sorry, Buttercup, you didn’t steal her heart..” I know she was kidding, she wasn’t pressuring me, but it was hard for me, I wanted to take them all..


Once a few years back, right after I got Lily and Juniper, I went to a horse show in the next township over… I was sitting in the bleachers, just kinda confused, … watching…. trying to learn stuff… and a lady came out of the show ring with her mini, tromped over and sat near me, her family was there.. but the horse was rearing and dancing about, agitated, wild… who knows what they go through to get ready for show, but the lady was FURIOUS with the horse, and she YANKED it down by the halter, yanked hard, and she hissed at it through her teeth, I forget what, but the yanking and the anger and the stress I remember…  There were a few times I remember trying to walk Juniper and she was flipping out because I hadn’t spent enough time working with her, and I remember that anger and frustration…so I’m trying not to judge the lady, because I’ve had my own time when I had 4 young children and a messy house and messy dogs and cats and no money and no time and no real clue about what’s important, and no insight as to how to cope… I’ve been furious, and I’ve been reactive, and I’ve been scary and mean… I have to live with the memories of that. But now I have insight, and better coping skills… more importantly, I’ve learned to be the Observer… of my SELF.. you know, I wish I remembered where I read this, but someone once said “I know all I need to know about you, when I watch you try to untangle a necklace”, that statement was life-altering to me…it instantly catapulted me into Observer, I saw myself as others see me, and more importantly, I saw what would be my future memories, how I would remember myself… I saw that I have choice… I saw that I have an energy, and that I can project it, for good and for bad… 

sometimes when my son starts chattering to me about Tetris or another video game and he’s waving his hands about and his face is all lit up animated and he’s explaining, explaining, explaining, and the terminology just sounds like gibberish, lines and lock downs and spinning tretriminios whatever… and this guy shoulda this and that guy shoulda that… and he’s laughing and telling me more and more and more and I don’t get the jokes but I laugh, and I just sorta can’t hear him anymore, I’m just enjoying his face and his enthusiasm and just the fact that he wants to tell me anything at all… and when he starts winding down his story I try to quickly grasp at some or other factoid to inquire about or comment upon, so that he thinks I was comprehending… when all I was really doing was admiring his beauty…

So at the end of the day, I couldn’t choose a horse. Did I want to take on a baby, with 30-40 year life-span… I’m 51 yrs old… but I plan to live to at least 100, so…  Do I want to take on an older mare, and have to deal with putting her down at some point… A young gelding? Meh… in the end, it really doesn’t matter, a horse is  a horse of course of course, it will wiggle and whinny its way into my heart and it will break my heart at the end and it’s like that with every animal, and that will be that. My husband’s got the trailer out and the tire pumped… it’s an hour drive back up to the horse breeder’s place… I think I can carve out some time Thursday to take a ride up… 


3 thoughts on “tossed about in a sea of tiny horses

  1. Beautifully written. You are such an angel.

  2. How exciting to have choices from what sounds like a lovely farm. Good luck meeting THE ONE and bringing her/him home. You will be required to supply us all with pictures of course and we will all oh and ah over your new horsie companion

  3. Oh, I wanted to be there with you enjoying all those baby faces and snuffles and snorts. You painted a beautiful picture. I hope you do get the one who has won your heart. I can’t wait to see the photos.

And what about Naomi?

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