… she's not coming down 'til it all makes sense again…




Just a pic of the pool gate, under the first snow of the year… effectively locking me out of my lovely lovely pool… alas splendiferous, sparkling azure waters… I will see you againe in springtime… er I forget thy lovely… whatever, how do people write… odes…

Something rather large and scratchy pecky pokey nibbley and possibly furry is living in the nasty cold spider-webby mouse-turdy space beneath our entry way…  I heard it while I was sorting in the garage, for that is what I do, I am a sorter, a mover, an arranger, a magician of sorts, somehow magically making these tiny walls, this tiny house, contain enough people and their assorted STUFF and pets and hobbies and interests…  Cat Chow, Dog Chow, Horse Chow, mosaics, terrariums, house plants, paints, musical instruments, electronics, working electronics, dead electronics, Grandma’s china, Pap’s little bins of nuts and bolts, fishing poles, pool chemicals, ridiculous ladder collection (I got a thing for ladders, please no armchair analysis..), craft supplies, 4 bins of fabric, ridiculous picture-frame collection, boxes of photos that belong in ridiculous picture-frame collection, way too many cd’s and dvd’s, why do we hold so tightly to those, will never watch again,  rocks and shells and glass, an entire stain-glass making shop and who on this planet needs 5 SOLDERING IRONS, I HAVE ONE RIGHT HAND, ONLY ONE, WHY WOULD I EVER NEED 5 SOLDING IRONS… 15 or 20 bits of furniture, not in use, but can’t stand to part with.., Pap’s old sauerkraut crock, I can’t part with that, but have to find a use for it… 6 couches, yes 6, a couch in every room practically, I got a thing for couches, please do not analyze, 4 ceramic penguins (I suspect the art teacher at the middle school is a bit jaded, or “phonin’ it in”, as every one of my kids made that same project), 4 shop-class wood/Ball jar lanterns as I suspect the industrial arts teacher is also phonin’ it in…

Hey, if I keep this up, I can just submit this page to my insurance company, for “contents” of residence… which on further inspection makes me realize how very OVER-insured we are with possible exception of those priceless penguins

And speaking of phoning it in, I suspect myself of phoning in this entry. I’m not saying what I want to say, because they’re not my stories to share. But the winds of change are blowing strong outside, they almost blew the shutters off last night… and they blow within these little walls, my family, we are being whipped and tossed and twirled… I like the twirling part, but could do with less whipping and tossing… It’s a scary, sad, exciting, hopeful, regretful, sorry, healing, magical time.. All those things at once. Times 3 daughters. Last night one hugged the other, and it’s something that hasn’t naturally and in a real way occurred in years. That part is mine to tell. I found myself not breathing… not moving, just frozen, willing it to be real. Through all of this, it’s been my job, and I finally realize it, but it’s been my job and my husband’s, to be the one thing they can count on. To be solid. To keep the door open and the light on, and just be there. Home.



2 thoughts on “Home

  1. This is so brilliant it took my breath away!


And what about Naomi?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s