… she's not coming down 'til it all makes sense again…



Just a pic of the pool gate, under the first snow of the year… effectively locking me out of my lovely lovely pool… alas splendiferous, sparkling azure waters… I will see you againe in springtime… er I forget thy lovely… whatever, how do people write… odes…

Something rather large and scratchy pecky pokey nibbley and possibly furry is living in the nasty cold spider-webby mouse-turdy space beneath our entry way…  I heard it while I was sorting in the garage, for that is what I do, I am a sorter, a mover, an arranger, a magician of sorts, somehow magically making these tiny walls, this tiny house, contain enough people and their assorted STUFF and pets and hobbies and interests…  Cat Chow, Dog Chow, Horse Chow, mosaics, terrariums, house plants, paints, musical instruments, electronics, working electronics, dead electronics, Grandma’s china, Pap’s little bins of nuts and bolts, fishing poles, pool chemicals, ridiculous ladder collection (I got a thing for ladders, please no armchair analysis..), craft supplies, 4 bins of fabric, ridiculous picture-frame collection, boxes of photos that belong in ridiculous picture-frame collection, way too many cd’s and dvd’s, why do we hold so tightly to those, will never watch again,  rocks and shells and glass, an entire stain-glass making shop and who on this planet needs 5 SOLDERING IRONS, I HAVE ONE RIGHT HAND, ONLY ONE, WHY WOULD I EVER NEED 5 SOLDING IRONS… 15 or 20 bits of furniture, not in use, but can’t stand to part with.., Pap’s old sauerkraut crock, I can’t part with that, but have to find a use for it… 6 couches, yes 6, a couch in every room practically, I got a thing for couches, please do not analyze, 4 ceramic penguins (I suspect the art teacher at the middle school is a bit jaded, or “phonin’ it in”, as every one of my kids made that same project), 4 shop-class wood/Ball jar lanterns as I suspect the industrial arts teacher is also phonin’ it in…

Hey, if I keep this up, I can just submit this page to my insurance company, for “contents” of residence… which on further inspection makes me realize how very OVER-insured we are with possible exception of those priceless penguins

And speaking of phoning it in, I suspect myself of phoning in this entry. I’m not saying what I want to say, because they’re not my stories to share. But the winds of change are blowing strong outside, they almost blew the shutters off last night… and they blow within these little walls, my family, we are being whipped and tossed and twirled… I like the twirling part, but could do with less whipping and tossing… It’s a scary, sad, exciting, hopeful, regretful, sorry, healing, magical time.. All those things at once. Times 3 daughters. Last night one hugged the other, and it’s something that hasn’t naturally and in a real way occurred in years. That part is mine to tell. I found myself not breathing… not moving, just frozen, willing it to be real. Through all of this, it’s been my job, and I finally realize it, but it’s been my job and my husband’s, to be the one thing they can count on. To be solid. To keep the door open and the light on, and just be there. Home.



Campus Visit, Pizza, and Monsters University


Yesterday was one of those glorious crisp Fall days, sunshiny and wind-blown, perfect for visiting a beautiful college campus, stately old buildings, small town, rolling hills, so very… what’s the word… collegiate? I loved it, campus was buzzing with activity, friendly little faces everywhere, running to class, shooting hoops, loading cars for weekend trips home…  Hoping somebody/anybody! chooses to go there, it reminded me so much of Hiram…

Hadda drag Zack though, did not want to go, would rather veg with the Gameboy… He was a grumpy little travel companion, complaining that he’s only in 9th grade, why does he need to see a college…. I ended up telling him, Zack, I’m so convinced that this will be a beneficial experience for you, that I’m willing to put up with as much grumbling as you can dish out, doesn’t matter, we’re still going. So he grumbled, and we went.

It was a 3 1/2 hour tour, we saw the rec center, some of the classrooms, and got to go in the dorm rooms (which felt WAYYYY more spacious than any dorm room I ever had, even with 20 people packed in). Franki seemed to be catching college fever, and Cassie made an appointment to talk about transfer credits and their writing program! Happy!!!

Zack listened pretty intently to the power point, and I think he got some ideas about what to expect.. I know his wheels were turning, because he had a lot of questions at midnight, after everyone else had gone to bed, what’s the difference between Ivy League and regular, what’s the difference between university and college, what’s a state college… Got those wheels turning….

Stopped at Vesuvio’s for dinner on the way home. Franki started a rousing game of “Napkin Assassin” while we waited for our pizza. Not sure what else to call it, one person starts by drawing a little guy on a napkin, and some inventive way that he’s about to die, like, a giant boulder is about to roll over him,.. then the next person has to draw a way for him to escape, like, um, Pikachu comes up and blasts the boulder with electrical power, but then a spark lands on a building that burns and topples on the guy…and on and on.. they ended up having sharks and Miley Cyrus and Johnny Depp and sea tortoises and flaming arrows and magic grow powder and snow globes and ninja stars…a crocodile with dental problems… It was way over my head, but a great way to wait for a pizza!

Ended the day with Monsters University from Redbox, so you see it was a whole THEME, if you don’t count the Borat we watched afterwards…

Just wanted to remind myself, the next time I’m anxious about going somewhere new, like I always am, really, it’s pathological, it tries to keep me from EVERYTHING, I have to remember that such a great day can come of it.