… she's not coming down 'til it all makes sense again…

Dehumidifiers I have Known


I was gonna write about all the dehumidifiers in my life…. and there have been many… so many dehumidifier stories, shocking, shocking stories of dehumidifiers, crazy, wild, mind-blowing… dehumidifiers… Ahhh yes, it all began with a the dehumidifier in mom and dad’s basement…

dehumidifier-shut-off-lgThey had it at their house, and then they moved it to their cottage, where it stayed for 27billion years, just chugging away, never finished with its work, (kinda like motherhood..) the cottage was never dry, EVER, oh sure, a room here or a room there became unpleasantly HOT and dry for a short time, but then it all sank back into the wet, dank, and slippery… (also kinda like motherhood…) poor, poor little overworked little 1980’s dehumidifier… sad, really…

Do you know the general life-expectancy of a dehumidifier? I had to look it up, but some  people somewhere have actually studied this and assigned a number to it:

“The National Association of Home Builders estimates eight years as the average  lifespan of a dehumidifier and three to five years as the typical lifespan of  consistently-used residential units under normal operating conditions. The  Association’s study based the estimate on surveys of manufacturers, trade associations and researchers.”

THREE to FIVE, and possibly at optimal conditions, EIGHT years. Dad has kept that goony old dehumidifier going for nearly FORTY YEARS. Maybe more, I gotta ask him to check the back panel for the manufacturer’s date, and then we’ll know for sure. Because you know, even though he has recently finally replaced that old thing with a bright shiny new model, you know he dragged it out to his garage to strip it down for parts, or keep it for sentimental guy reasons…

And then I was gonna tell you about my own dehumidifiers, because I have two… But then I thought, “dehumidifiers I have known…” and it made me remember one of those stories we read in our Literature anthology book in high-school, “Hoods I have Known” and I remembered the weird tone that story had to it, a dangerousness… I can’t remember the plot, it’s sketchy, and I can’t find it on the innernetz either, it’s weird, it’s like it never existed… But then I found at least which anthology it’s in, it wasn’t a literature text book, it was a small paperback, and I think we have it here in the house, I think Cassie may have absconded with it to her room… She has a bookshelf back there, with a kinda funny collection, some are hers, some are mine.. and it tickles me to see what she’s chosen, because some of them are actually books that I absconded with from my own mother’s bookshelf… but here’s the book:

on googlebooks, you can actually read a few pages of it, which was awesome, because I forgot how witty the writing was, I only remembered that the story made me afraid… Because I was that girl in school, I sat up front, straight and at attention, knees under desk, feet flat on floor, two #2 lead pencils sharpened and at the ready… I was frequently the “chosen one,” the one sent on errands or entrusted with the candy money, the ice cream money, the lunch tickets… Not so much “teacher’s pet”, more like the teachers knew they could count on me to get the math right, and to go straight to where I was supposed to go and come straight back to the room. I guess I was kinda boring in a way, but it made me feel important. And that’s what was so scary about the girl in the story, she had a certain “place” or “status” and she messed up, and all that was taken from her in one fell swoop… it scared me so bad that I forgot how friggin funny the story is.

Of course this anthology includes Flowers for Algernon, because it is an anthology, and by law, all anthologies must contain Flowers for Algernon. Creepy story, creeeeepy…and why? Why does that story have such a creepy vibe… maybe it was the cruelty… People can be just that cruel, and it’s disturbing when an author nails it like that. Or maybe it’s the thought that this could actually happen, sometime in the near future… and why not.

But both are stories of different skin. Being plunged into different skin. Drastic replacement of what you thought you knew to be your life, or your place. Or what other thought to be your place…

My dehumidifier is chugging along down in the gameroom… The gameroom is practically underground, with cement floor, and so tends to be damp and dank and slippery… I’ve actually owned the dehumidifier for about 3 years, but was too lazy to hook it up for 2 of those years, until now when it behooves me to actually breathe down there, as we have recently converted it into our bedroom.  So I let some of my dehumidifier’s predicted life-span waste away, while it sat there, forlornly, unplugged, un-used… there’s a metaphor in there…

NEW-MINI-LOVELY-DEHUMIDIFIERgreen dehumidwell, I didn’t know you could buy a dehumidifier shaped like a penguin. Nor was I aware that they had GREEN dehumidifiers. Mine are white and they are shaped like small hardworking soldiers. I would prefer a penguin.

Oh, and my other dehumidifier, I know you were wondering hahahahooohohohoooo, my other dehumidifier is over at the rental house. I’ve owned it for the same 3 years, and have been too lazy to hook it up. Yesterday we were over in that basement, replacing the washer and dryer for our daughter/renter. It is swampy and gross down there, very wet… And so “hook up rental dehumidifier” goes straight to the top of the to-do list. Scintillating!!

Ohmygosh, I forgot the most mind-blowing part of my dehumidifier tales: Dad’s new dehumidifier? It has a built-in pump. When the reservoir gets full, it has a little pump that pumps the water out through some kinda aquarium hose. Is your mind blown? Mine either, because I’m not sure I understand how that’s an improvement over just attaching a drain hose to it and letting it empty by gravity into a drain… Plus it’s another thing that can break down… and possibly shorten the predicted lifespan of your dehumidifier..  Dad’s real excited about it though. I’m just gonna let him enjoy  his dehumidifier joy though, I’m not gonna mention my reservations… That’s what family does for each other..


2 thoughts on “Dehumidifiers I have Known

  1. We used to have a dehumidifier and humidifiers too. I recall the smell of the humidifier and I used to pour some sort of disinfectant on the wheel to keep the water fresher. Dehumifiers were in the basement and I seldom had anything to do with them.

And what about Naomi?

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