… she's not coming down 'til it all makes sense again…

Costume That’s Not A Costume, or, Tales of a Contrare


Ohhhh boy, The Day has come. The Day When Man-cub decides that he is too old for costumes, but still wants to go trick-r-treating with his frenz… What’s a Momz to do… 

He says, I don’t wanna be a ZOMBIE, and I don’t wanna be ANYTHING from Star Wars, and I don’t wanna be a bum, a robber, a scarecrow, I don’t wanna wear a wig or a mustache or any foreign substance in my hair… 

He says, I want to go as a… um… his eyes dart furtively around the room… I want to go as a PILLOW!! Yeah!  And I wanna wear a pillow case over my head and I am a PILLOW!! 

I could analyze that one, but I lack certification… 

Oh yeah, son, are you sure you don’t want to be a… eyes dart furtively around the room… a SHOE, or a LAMP?  

He says, Mum, don’t be ridiculous.

Then he says, and he doesn’t even get the irony of what he’s saying, he says, I want to go as the TINMAN!!! And I say, SON, do you realize how much of a COSTUME that is, and how much STUFF you have to wear ALL OVER YOUR BODY AND YOUR PRECIOUS UNTOUCHABLE HEAD?! (Meanwhile, I’m thinking, last thing I want to do is spend my entire day constructing some embarrassing monstrosity of cardboard and silver spray paint…) And I say, SON, your friends will leave you in the DUST, as you try to keep up, wearing 58 lbs of clunky boxy costume…

At this point he gets mad at ME. Like I INVENTED the adolescent awkward stage?!  

So I get up early this morning and spend an hour on the innernetz, looking for this magical, unexplainable and elusive Costume-That-Is-Not-A-Costume. This is the best I can come up with, but it will require spiking glue in his precious hair: 








Think I can sell it to him? I gotta act like it’s a stoopid idea, I really gotta hone up on the ol’ reverse psychology skillz… Because the boy is a CONTRARE, is why…

“You see, Younger Bear

had become a contrary,…

 …the most dangerous

of all Cheyenne warriors…

 …because the way they live

drives them half-crazy.

 Except for battle, a contrary

does everything backwards.

 He says “goodbye” for “hello”,

“yes” for “no”,…

 …walks through bushes

instead of on trails,…

 …and washes with dirt

and dries with water.” ~~~ Quote from Little Big Man, Screenplay by Calder Willingham* my personal all-time forever-ever favorite writer…But don’t tell William Styron…

I don’t know what we’ll end up doing, but I do know it will involve a mad scramble at 4:30 this afternoon, a grumpy adolescent man/child, and a frazzled, SO-OVER-HALLOWEEN-YEARS-AGO momz… Also, if he puts on a football jersey and two smudges of black paint under his eyes and goes as a friggin’ STEELERS FAN, I will not be involved in that display in any form.  I have my standards. 


3 thoughts on “Costume That’s Not A Costume, or, Tales of a Contrare

  1. Standards are important. I wonder if Man-Cub would have chosen a standard size pillow or larger? I love the Hurricane Reporter. Did you try pitching it to him or did he decide on the chicken costume before you had the opportunity….because I’m sure he was comforted by the fact that his head was completely guarded and kept safe in that form fitting chicken bonnet!

  2. Hi BFFie!!! Happy to see you here!! Actually, I never got the chance to show him the hurricane reporter costume, he stuck that silly dog/chicken costume on his head, and that was all she wrote… lol! I love my life!

  3. Reading this again, it’s as if I’ve never seen it before! Here I sit in my kitchen chair at 3:25 a.m. laughing my silly head off….outloud!

    “Like I INVENTED the adolescent awkward stage?!” LOL!!!

    My dear shizzle! I love your life too!

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