… she's not coming down 'til it all makes sense again…

Tucking in Baby


I looked at the sky. I looked at the Weather Channel. I looked at my neighbor’s GIANT HEMLOCK looming over my precious baby car…

…and I said, oh heck no.  Threw open the garage door and stood slack-jawed for about 10 minutes, just wondering, is it possible, could I actually do this… CRAP EVERYWHERE, fishing poles and gardening tools and bed frames and horse feed and bikes and camping stoves and sentimental DRESSERS AND CHESTS OF DRAWERS (oh yes we do, we have giant pieces of furniture that we can’t get rid of because they are sentimental. Couldn’t be a nice broach or a some little chochke,  we gotta be all mushy about dove-tail joints and quality drawer guides… I also may or may not have a couple very sentimental brand new Andersen windows with muntins built right in the glass that I cannot bear to part with. I have zero use for them, but I love them soooooo… I tried to list them on Craigslist, but just can’t let them go yet)

I stood there and I stood there and the wind every once in a while blew up in a really strange little ominous, warning-type gust…  I looked at my watch and it was 4:05, and the reason I looked at my watch was to time myself, onaccounta I’m curious about how long some things that we think might be impossible or might not be worth the effort, or ridiculous… I’m curious how long they actually take..

I started moving stuff at 4:05, and by 4:38, I had produced something amazing and not to be believed, had I not provided you with the following indisputable photographic evidence:









You see that last picture there, that is depicting the terrifying 1.5 inches between my  car and the  horrible nasty mean-spirited GARAGE DOOR HINGE… you can see how it is reaching, reaching, ever reaching out to mar that precious tiny green bumper… I had to stand and cold sweat contemplate, for about 8 of those 33 minutes, whether to hit that automatic garage door button or not, whether I had enough clearance… I stood there, eyeballing it… and questioning the efficacy, or the LUNACY… of packing my car into this hideous mess of a garage. Did the car stand a better chance outside with the Hurricane Sandy and the looming 50 ft hemlocks? I may have muttered a filthy cuss-word as I pressed that button,  I’m pretty sure I did. Probably the BIG word. It was a stressful moment. 

So the door came down and the evil hinge missed the bumper and all was well. 

Oh, and I forgot to mention the part where I pulled into that garage mess, ohmygosh so slooooooowly,  sandwiched her right into the pool supplies, sentimental dressers, and discarded rolls of nasty indoor/outdoor carpet, without a single inch to spare all the way around, not one inch…  And sat there for one triumphant moment, inside the car, inside the garage.. I had done it! I  had moved the mountain! I was protecting my assets! I was responsible and forward-thinking and prepared and resourceful and strong and determined and unstoppable!  And then I tried to open my door to get out of the car.

I ended up EXTRUDING myself like toothpaste out the back door, being careful to open the door into a soft, cushiony bag of Purina DogChow instead of, sayyyy, a PICK-AX?  

And then the storm came and it was a little wind and a little rain for us. And the hemlocks stayed standing. The car came out of that mess without a scratch,  and so was it all worth it, I don’t know the answer to that.  I just know that it takes 33 minutes of concentrated effort to carve a car-sized tunnel out of a mountain of crap. And I know that some things that look impossible or ridiculous… may not be impossible, but they may still be ridiculous.  

I think I’ll end on that incredibly profound note. Harrr! 

Sport out. 


3 thoughts on “Tucking in Baby

  1. Time for a garage sale! So that you’re ready 100 years from now, when the next hurricane heads your way!

  2. Garage sale?! Like I could give up any of that choice, prime, Grade-A American STUFF?!~!! Everything in that garage is necessary to my survival! Except maybe those Andersen windows I’m still clutching onto.. You can actually see one of the windows peeking out over the car hood…

  3. Isn’t this same exact scenario in an episode of the Middle or something? What a recreation! That picture is hilarious, and I just knew even before I read it, that you would be stuck in the car! I wish I were there to help you and get a good laugh while “cleaning out the garage”!

And what about Naomi?

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